Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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