I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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