Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
