You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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