What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize