Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
