The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
