The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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