After last night, I could never be a politician.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
