So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
