We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
