if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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