I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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