:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
