ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
