It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
