I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
