So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
