85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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