i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
