Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I touched a dick in church today
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize