Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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