Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The air taste purple.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
