it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
