my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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