Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
