I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
