you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
