Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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