My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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