I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
