i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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