this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
