Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
