Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
