That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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