and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
