just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
