he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
