Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
