i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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