She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
