Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My life is pants optional.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
