I wish I could punch you in the face.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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