thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
honey bunches of taint.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
