so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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