my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize