im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
