did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
