no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
