Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
