Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
