We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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