i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
