Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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