I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i dont even know how to be here
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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