the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
