we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
