I can text with my tongue
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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