you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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