I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
