I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
