I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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