Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
