Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This is my life. Enjoy the view
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
