That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
