Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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