I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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