a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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