hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish i was in the wii world.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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